It Is my birthday but yet...

Yes, as you know it is my hatch-day today..

I, for one who hates to be in lime-light, actualy hates birthdays..

Not because of the addition of years to my age but for the fact that i feel embarrassed each time the birthday song is sung for me..

God Knows y each time they sing for me, my ears turns red and i will always tear..

It is not a big deal to me so i dun usually take any leaves to celebrate the day..But sometimes i do now, to run away from overwhelming wishes.

Dun get me wrong ok..it not that i dun appreciate it all but I myself have no idea why i feel weird each time the day comes..hahaha!! Very emo sak klu org sing aku bdae song...

Ok maybe i can shed some light ya..

Being the first in the family had been the greatest thing..

Grand Birthday celebrations was a norm to me...

Takla grand sampai pi hotel..but parties on large scale & Mcdonald's Birthday parties..

wah klu dulu, mcm best kan bila the restaurant is booked for yours truly bdae party..cam princess gituk..

Ya..Ya..liz gonna add that my last McD party was when i was in SECONDARY THREE..kekeke!!

Till, 1 day...

my birthday fell on a schooling day...

And during that time, my granddad had taken ill and was in the hospital...

Wen i was getting ready for school, mama said to me that granddad wanted to see me, so mama will speak to the school to have me excused..

But i refuse, cos it was my birthday...i WANTED to be in school..

So..i went ahead..but along the way, i felt bad but i tot to myself, " Ala..atuk should be ok la..tomorrow i can go.."

Well you see, atuk had been the most active atuk i hv ever known.. he exercised & ate healthily..was never sick, as in sickly...so i tot, it was just a normal ailment..

At school, i was happy but i felt funny...was showered with gifts..gerek!

Bla..bla..bla..school ended & i reached home..an empty home..I smelt something weird & kinda scary la..

Then a call came that nearly made me jumped out my skin..

It was ayah..

Granddad just passed away....& wen he asked for me, i wasnt there instead i was celebrating my BIRTHDAY...

my TOMORROW never came..

I was stumped...

Atuk loves showering me with love, care, gifts & monies...be it if i passed any test/exams with flying colours, birthdays or simply juz cos he wants to...

The TOMORROW came, with me sending him off for the last...

Regrets..regrets..regrets...

And so, each time my birthday comes, i get this sweet reminder that i should never NEVER take anything/anybody for granted...yeah, and from here, i get reminded of my late lil sister..

With this year birthday, I am just grateful that i have a husband who understands me, my son who never fail to make my day, my family who is always supportive, In-laws who accept me for who I am(tak tau masak, malas nak kemas..hehe etc) and a blooming career..

What more could i ask for?

oh..if I can..

I wish I can see you...

Shasa..my late lil sister...

Even in my dreams..

erm, better in my dreams la..aku nie lemah semangat takut nanti ko menjelma, aku yang pengsan...sempat sak buat kelakar..!

Bodoh tul!!

ok ok..i am trying to be happy..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!